strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
