i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
