Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
