i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize