Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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