If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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