How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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