At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
