I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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