You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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