I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
