No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
only if we run a train.
done.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
