if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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