Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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