White coat. Heels.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
