DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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