I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
