Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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