oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
