8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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