as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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