Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize