If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize