Will you blow on my dice?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
