I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
