Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
