last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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