youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
