How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
