his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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