In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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