If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
