She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
