I'm jealous of your bromance
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
