I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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