so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Hippo gnu deer
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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