I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
