Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So vagazzling was a success
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
