what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
