I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
