I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
