Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
