i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
