Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
