What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
