She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
