week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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