And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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