sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
