4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i think my tv is drunk
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
