So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
