are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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