Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
