The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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