It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
