I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
