worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
