Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
What drink are we having for lunch?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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