wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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