I think I am morally bankrupt
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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