just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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