oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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