Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
