We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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