we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
