well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
