Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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