Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize