saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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