I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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