Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
